![negative nancy positive polly negative nancy positive polly](https://proffittmanagement.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Negative-Manager-e1432207354611.jpg)
Our first few years together were difficult because of my mental health issues but I am truly who I am and I am truly in love with my partner. I have been OUT for 6 years. My partner and I have been together for 6 years. But I have since learned that if I am not true to myself it adds to the sickness. I have known almost my whole life, but tried and tried to push it away for fear of being abandoned and hated. There is room for people to manipulate it and use it to further an agenda and harm others that do not think like them, live like them, or come from another culture different than theirs. Another thing that kept me down, was not being honest about being a lesbian. I am not sure about religion because I studied it in college and realize that there is room for errors in translation. I am not sure about god and religion because it is used by so many to control others. My parents had good intentions but for me, it just felt like more rigidness and one more thing to be hurt by. I was in the church every time the door was open when I was growing up. I also felt trapped by a god who would reject me for who I am. This has given me the security to be who I am without the fear of abandonment and rejection. My parents do not support my "lifestyle decisions" but now I know that they love me and my family. My parent's approval has always been extremely important to me and I was afraid to be true to myself and lose their love. I thought I would not be loved or accepted for who I have known I am. I was taught to believe I had to be contrary to who I am in order to fit into my family's religion. I was raised in pretty strict religious home. One of the biggest breakthroughs was coming to terms with who I am. I was in and out of hospitals for 3 years after that. I was in the hospital again for another week. Needless to say, they put me in the hospital when the got me home. The hospital released me into their care as long as they were willing to take me another hospital when we got home. My friend, whom I went to hide with, talked to me and said she could not keep me at her house any longer because she feared for my health. My mental health decompensated quickly and I quit eating, drinking and my self injurious behavior increased to a dangerous level. It all began to break me down and I ended up fleeing school and my job and landed halfway across the country. At the same time though, I was in therapy due to compulsive self injury behavior related to years of sexual abuse. I was in graduate school, had a job I loved and thought I was meant for, and was really thought I was headed in the right direction. The lowest point in my life was 7 years ago.
![negative nancy positive polly negative nancy positive polly](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/b6/37/3e/b6373e6ceb56edca0f27699a911648df.jpg)
Maybe I should start from the most negative place and work my way forward.
![negative nancy positive polly negative nancy positive polly](http://www.healthytippingpoint.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/IMG_7626_thumb.jpg)
But, I feel like I have made a turn in my life and it would not be right if I didn't share it with people.